Learn to Fly
by SilverWolf7
Summary: Seventh story in the Lucifer's Flock series! Lucifer begins his journey of getting back in the air and flying again with the help and support of his flock and therapist.
1. Anxiety

Seventh story in the Lucifer's Flock series! This one is the story a lot of people were waiting for. Lucifer learning to fly again. There is a side fic involving Linda and the psychiatrist here that I will be putting up between chapters 3 and 4. Just a heads up. It's called 'Reality'.

* * *

Learn To Fly

Pacing his way from one side of the office to the other, Lucifer couldn't get past that, as soon as his session was over that afternoon, he'd be going to a remote bit of forest clearing Maze had found for him last week and begin flying.

Linda watched, knowing how nervous and afraid he was of the upcoming activities and to her credit, she didn't try to calm him down.

She just let him pace her room.

His wings were glued to his back in anxiety. His arms were crossed over his chest just as tight. He was unable to speak through the lump of fear caught in his throat.

Every now and then Linda would look at her watch to keep track of the time, before writing something down in his file. Usually her writing down things during their sessions didn't bother him, but he was a bit more paranoid today then he normally was, and he knew she generally wrote little, but what needs to be said about his emotional state.

Of course, his emotional state right then could be equated to a nuclear explosion waiting to happen.

He just wanted to get there already and not make a total fool of himself in front of his flock.

"Lucifer," Linda stated, as if hearing his thoughts. "Time's up."

He stopped pacing, took a deep, cleansing breath and rushed out the door. He was halfway down the corridor and was being openly stared at by someone waiting for another psychiatrist before he remembered quite suddenly that he hadn't put his wings away.

At least Amenadiel had taught him how to bring them on this plane without shredding a shirt. That was something. He could have scandalised people by being shirtless.

"Uh, hello! Fear not. I come in peace? Linda!"

Linda turned the corner, saw someone else there, his wings still out and sighed at him. He felt like he was about to be smacked for bad behaviour. He shifted, his wings rustling in agitation, flaring slightly in the small corridor.

The man gasped and fell to his knees. A door opened and this time it was a psychiatrist staring openly at him. He face palmed.

Linda took in the scene and saved his arse by making the sudden decision of not using his name now and using his abbreviated old one instead. "Sam, put those away, you're scaring the locals."

He blinked at her, because he was suddenly very unsure of exactly how to do that. He closed his eyes, concentrated and he felt as they slipped back into the plane he normally kept them on. He turned to the man and his psychiatrist. "Sorry! I'll pay for the bills if you feel like you're going insane. My wings can do that to people."

The two strangers kept staring intently at him. Linda sighed loudly behind him. "I have to work here, you know? Yes! He's an angel. They exist. God exists. Sam here is a bit nervous right now, because we're about to start doing some active work with a phobia of his. He did not mean to freak you all out by flashing his wings."

He coughed to catch her attention, looking at his watch. "Linda! We're going to be late!"

"Well, if someone had decided not to rush out of my room like they were on fire..."

He winced at that. 'Ooh, low blow, doctor. Come on, the others will be waiting."

And, now with his wings safely hidden out of sight from curious mortals, he made his way as fast as he could, to where his car was waiting. He began pacing as he waited for Linda to catch up.

As soon as they were both in the car and speeding their way to the set destination, Linda turned to him and frowned. "Alright, after this is over for today, you are going to talk to me. Tell me why you did what you just did and then we are going to have a proper session. "

He grimaced, because he didn't know if he could explain it in words at all, but he nodded his consent to that anyway. Right now he was too worried to do much of anything else but concentrate on the road and push thoughts of falling out of his head.

It was going to be a long afternoon.


	2. Fear

Fear

The clearing in the woods took an hour to get to.

He could see Chloe and Dan off to one side, talking to each other. Ella was sitting under a tree, reading a forensics magazine. Linda beside him squeezed his shoulder gently, before nudging him to open his door and join them.

It took him longer than it should have to realise that Dan had Dusty in a travel cage he had bought for the bird for easier access to and from his home.

Lucifer frowned at that. The cage was too small to be kept in for long stretches, and he had already made it clear they would be here for at least an hour.

He went over to Ella, hugged her close and greeted her with a shivering breath. She patted him back in return. He knew he was being extra clingy, but right then he just needed the comfort. And for the first time since he knew her, it was Ella who began trying to ease her way out off a hug instead of him.

"Lucifer? What's wrong?" she asked, and he could hear the worry in her voice. He hid his face in the crook of her neck, still unable to say anything through the fear he was feeling.

"Lucifer, you actually didn't tell them, did you?" Linda says, walking over to them, and making sure they were gathered close to where he was holding onto Ella for dear life.

Maybe if he held on to her, he'd stay grounded?

He shook his head, knowing Linda was expecting an answer.

"Do you want me to tell them?"

He nodded, because they needed to know why he was acting the way he was, but also because he should have told them days ago.

"Okay. Lucifer has found he has a rather bad phobia and it's making getting in the air a bit...hard for him."

Dan snorted. "Yeah, we know this. We think he's afraid to fly."

He knew that Linda shook her head, because he knows her well enough to know that she does that sometimes and she was quiet too long to not have done so, before answering the douche.

"No, he's not afraid of flying. He wants to fly again. He's afraid of falling out of the sky."

There was silence for about two seconds, before everyone realised exactly why that might be a phobia of his and suddenly more hands were on him. He was soon joined by a bird perching on his shaking shoulder too, as Dan let Dusty out of the cage.

It was a half hour of them all being one big pile of limbs, before he found his voice again and cleared his throat. "This is stupid..." he stated.

Ella smacked him over the back of his head. "It's not stupid! I can't believe I didn't even think of this. Your fall was traumatic. For one, it wasn't an accident, for another, the distance was huge. It makes sense. You did heal well after it though."

He froze at that and all of them felt his body go stiff at that one. "Uh...yeah, fine..."

Linda sighed beside him. "You really do need to show them."

He shook his head. "Nope, not happening."

Ella rubbed his back before poking him. "Can we all now get off of me? I am beginning to get really uncomfortable here..."

With a few minutes of making sure they all had their own limbs once again to themselves, Dusty now sitting on top of Dan's shoulder, they all stood up and gathered around him as if they were about to pile on top of him again.

He held up his hands. "Wingspan, remember," he stated, and they backed up so he could get his wings out.

Oddly enough, he felt slightly better after the human pile. He flapped them out in front of him a few times, making them all back up even more. His wings were strong now thankfully and after he had the room he wanted he stopped his wild flapping, changed the direction for lift and after another more calculated flap of his wings, he left the ground and almost immediately dropped back down.

Thankfully, he was only a few inches off the ground. He was also slightly off balance and stumbled slightly on his feet. He forgot that he'd have to keep both of them mirrored to stay in the air. He'd have to work at aerial movement when he could actually stay in the air. He'd get better with practice.

But he found he couldn't move his wings back down from their position hovering somewhere around his head. He blinked. "Uh, I think I have frozen..."

And that was it for him that day. His wings automatically folded back down tight against his back and he found he didn't really want to move them. He looked down at the ground, oddly upset with himself. "Sorry...this was a waste of time..."

After saying that, he walked to his car and waited for Linda.

He knew that she'd get him to have a proper session as soon as they got back to her office.

He was not looking forward to it.

At least this time he remembered to hide the wings. No more surprises for strangers


	3. Shame

Shame

"Lucifer, please sit down," Linda stated as they made their way back into her room. She didn't say his name until the door was firmly closed though. Considering the workday wasn't over yet and the other psychiatrist more than likely had other clients to see that day, it was probably a good call on her part.

He hated being called Sam. It reminded him too much of what he had lost.

He pouted, but went to the couch and flopped himself on it.

It took him five minutes of silence, before he loudly sighed and let his wings be seen. He hated how she refused to do anything until his wings were out nowadays.

His wings settled against the back of the couch. They were slightly sharp from his irritation, but they wouldn't ruin the furniture.

"You knew didn't you? You knew I would fail in getting up in the air and that's why you set another session right after."

She shook her head. "Lucifer, there are several things wrong with what you just said. One, I didn't know. I certainly expected you would not get too far your first try, but that's normal. And second, you didn't fail to get in the air. You did do that. And considering you did, I see that as a good sign you will fly again."

He shifted in the seat and screwed up his face when his wings were rubbed awkwardly against the back of the couch. He spread them out to the sides and over the couch so he could more comfortably lounge without needing to preen afterwards.

"But it was only for a second, and I fell right after. I was off balance, I couldn't keep them together and in the correct position to get much higher in the air. I feel like a fledgling having to learn from scratch how to bloody fly. And the fear isn't helping much."

Linda nodded at him and leaned forwards. "How does that make you feel?"

He cocked his head to one side and thought hard on that one. "Like...like I failed and will continue failing and that everything is bad and like I am bad and that no one will like me if I keep failing...I don't know what it is I feel. "

"Disappointed?" she said and he frowned.

"Well, yes, I am definitely disappointed, but it's more than that. I think...I think I feel ashamed I couldn't succeed."

"Why do you think you feel shame?"

He shrugged. "I don't know? Because I feel like what I did was wrong and bad and I looked stupid and I barely got in the air before my feet were back on the ground and the others are probably laughing at me right now. Isn't that shame?"

Linda cocked her head to one side and smiled. "It's a form of shame, yes. It could also be guilt, or embarrassment."

He frowned because, yes, it could. He knew what guilt felt like though and this wasn't really it. Not the way he normally felt it anyway. "I don't think I feel guilty, but I definitely might be embarrassed over it. I'm not used to feeling either of these things. Most people think me shameless. I thought I was shameless. But..."

"But now you have found something that shames you. And you got put on display in a situation you didn't want to be. Do you want to learn to fly again alone? Maybe with one or two of them instead of the whole flock?"

He shook his head. "As much as I might hate looking like an idiot flapping about like a moron...I would prefer them all there and laughing at me, even if it makes me feel bad to going it alone. I don't think I'd get off the ground at all alone."

Linda nodded. "Hmm, maybe. You could always try one day and see, and then if that fails to get results, go back to learning with the flock."

Sighing, Lucifer looked to one side and bent his wing around to stare at it. And the feeling twisted somewhere inside of him and he wished not for the first time, that he had been given a choice on whether or not he got his wings back.

He hadn't. He had just woken up one morning with them right back where they used to be.

He had totally freaked out.

He still didn't understand why.

"Why did he do this to me?" he said softly to himself, for a moment forgetting where he was. He blinked and turned to Linda when h did. "I cut the other pair off for a reason. I burnt them to ash for another. Why would he just...do this to me?!"

And with that said, he reached out and grabbed a handful of feathers, not caring that he was messing them up. He'd be groomed later on that evening anyway. He tugged angrily, but they were not loose. He had the sudden urge to start plucking them out.

Linda must have noticed where his thoughts were going. "Lucifer, I don't think taking the feathers out will help."

He stared at her, letting go of the feathers and sighing, slumping back down on the couch. "Feel like plucking. It's been a really shitty day and I just...I can't' talk about this right now, not the wings..."

Linda nodded, reached out and begun trying to order the feathers back in place. If she kept this up, she might actually become good at it.

"What does plucking mean for you?'

He shrugged. "Stress, mainly. And I don't want...I don't want them to be uneven or incapable of carrying me again. It's a stupid urge to have when I am trying to get back up in the air. Just...maybe not too many feathers if I do end up taking any out? And evenly, of course."

Linda hummed at him. "Or maybe you fight the urge and not take any out at all."

He shrugged and nodded. "Or I could do that."

"You better believe I will be checking you for missing feathers from now on. And I want to see you tomorrow to see if you do take any out."

He covered his face with his hands and groaned loudly. "Two sessions today and another one tomorrow? Why?!"

She blinked at him. "No, no. Not a session, just to show me your wings. Two in one day is plenty enough I think. Even though I think we just hit a major problem on the head, there. You still haven't talked about how you feel about them."

Grimacing, he shook his head. "Not today, please."

Linda agreed to that, before getting up out of her chair. "Well, I suggest you get either Dan or Ella to stay with you tonight to stop you plucking. You can ask them when they arrive tonight."

He nodded again, because that's all he seemed capable of doing this session, before sighing. "Do you think they'll laugh at me?"

"For having urges to pluck or your attempts at flying?"

"Both."

'"No, I don't think they will be laughing at you. In fact, I think you'll find they're more worried for you and will continue to be so until you settle into a more natural pattern with your flying."

He nodded once more to let her know the point had come across and got up himself, tucking his wings up and getting them out of sight.

It figured that the end of the work day finished shortly after he had got out of the room and Mister Psychiatrist number two to see his wings walked out of his room just as he was walking past again.

They both froze, nodded at the other and turned in opposite directions.

It wasn't lost on him that the therapist walked up to Linda's door.

Good luck to her with that conversation.

It managed to brighten his mood to the point where he no longer felt the need to self mutilate his wings.


	4. Anger

Anger

Lucifer didn't pluck his wings that night.

Dan stayed with him, the two of them spending the majority of time down in the club to have some fun and it helped relax him a lot. It was also kind of fun to sneak around with two women on his arms.

He had no idea what time Dan went back to the flat, but it must have been a few hours after he had gone up. He wasn't there for the sex part of the night, but was the next morning.

Things were looking up with him emotionally. He felt more centred and calm and ready to give flying another go. He had called Linda to let he know all his feathers were still intact and that Dan had stayed with him. He also informed her he would be trying again as soon as he got to his forest clearing.

Soon enough, he not only had called the others to let them know, but found himself driving there at the appointed time.

And now he was wings out, glaring at the ground for existing and panting slightly from his first attempt for that day, because he was going to refuse to give up today.

Today he was going to get off the ground and stay of the ground for longer than a second. The second attempt was just as much a failure as the first. At least he hadn't stumbled this time though.

"I have forgotten how to bloody fly! This is so stupid..." he stated out loud, before he began flapping his wings and hoping for the right amount of lift to get him off the ground and keep him there.

He managed to get off the ground a good 3 inches for a few seconds before he tried to keep in that position. He spread his primaries, his left alula joining in on the fun and he turned slightly in the air, surprising him. He flared out and flapped once, wings uneven, and fell back to the ground.

This time he didn't manage to stay on his feet, though he wasn't hurt by the short fall. He had lost balance, both in air and on the ground. His hands curled into fists and he hit the ground once, before getting to his feet again.

"You got better at it that time!" Ella stated, smiling widely at him. He felt the odd urge to slap her. He had never wanted to actually hurt anyone he was close to like that before.

"I can't keep balance. I think the wings are bigger than they used to be. Or maybe smaller. I don't know. My body knows what to do, but it is going off old and outdated memory. This is so frustrating!"

He put that energy he was gaining from that frustration to what he hoped was good use and began flapping again. he soon realised that if he was going to get any higher than a couple of inches in the air, he needed to jump o be in the air already, but he was afraid to try that. So, instead he flapped his wings hard, trying to keep them even and find the right way to hold them for the best lift from a ground starting point.

He did get off the ground and stay off, but he couldn't keep up the flapping for too long. His wings were made for gliding when in the air, though they were also made to get in the air from a standstill with a little help with a jump and a few exact flaps.

He couldn't get the exact part right and wasn't ready to try jump starting a flight.

The next time it was the position of his wings being too forward after one harder than normal flap and he fell face first to the ground. He needed to learn to catch his balance. He knew he used to be able to do all of this. And it was more than a little frustrating now. Now it was full on annoying.

He growled into the ground and was about to get up again when a hand was felt on his shoulder.

"You okay?" the Detective asked and he shook his head.

"No. Don't touch me right now..." he was getting a headache. He had hit a tiny bloody stone on the way down and he could feel a trickle of blood reach his eyebrow.

"Damn it, I'm bleeding. I hit my head. I'm frustrated and angry at myself. I can't keep my balance. This is stupid! I just want to stay in the air and glide like I am made to, but I can't get to that point. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!"

The temper tantrum he had after that was not something that made him feel any better. Now, along with bleeding from a cut on his forehead, his hands were scraped up from where he had hit the ground with his fists. He was sore and tired and grumpy. Dan told him he'd had enough that day and that maybe they should all go home.

But he wasn't ready to quit yet. Now he was determined to get in the air again, regardless of the fear still eating at him every time he left the ground and then fell back to the ground right after.

He got back up his feet nd managed to get his wings up and ready t start another round of flapping liek an idiot. And yet another hand stopped him, this time it was Linda. "Lucifer! Dan's right. You've had enough for today. Put the wings away and go home. You need a break. You're exhausted, you're frustrated and you're not going to hlp yourself if yu try to relearn a skill in the mod you are in."

His wings became sharp and pointy and he was temted to use them as the weapons they were, but he liked having flock and friends.

Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. "Yeah, maybe...I jsut don't want to quit. I'm not...I want to fly again."

She nodded. "I know, but you're not going to get it in just one day. And look, you did do a lot better today. You can stay in the air now. You went up a bit higher and you stayed up longer. So give yourself time to breathe, to learn.

Sighing loudly, he folded his wings up and put them back in their other dimension, because Linda was right. "Okay...I'm getting tired anyway."

As a group, they all walked over to where the cars were parked, hopped into his Corvette and stopped as he watched Ella and Chloe leave.

He had wanted to stay put and wait until they were all gone, but both Dan and Linda seemed Hell bent on making him go home. Both of them stayed to watch him and, sighing loudly he started up the car and drove off in the direction of home.

He didn't go back.


	5. Hope

Hope

Almost a week had passed and the only thing that had changed with his flying was that he could stay in the air longer. He only landed back on the ground now when his wings got too tired to hold him up with their constant flapping, so he only could try a few times each day before exhaustion set in. Not to mention cramps.

He'd had to sit Monday out. He'd been too sore to get off the ground. He had pushed himself way too hard on Sunday.

The others had all gone home from their weekly Netflix night, except for Dusty, who was sleeping in his cage, considering it was now past midnight.

The bird needed a lot of sleep. Thankfully he tended to sleep through the night, rarely waking from dreams or nightmares.

Lucifer needed little sleep, but he was tired physically and emotionally. He hoped to sleep well.

Today had been a bad day and he knew that tomorrow would probably be another one to skip. His right wing was cramping up from overuse.

He was tempted to wake up Dusty just to have a conversation, because right now he was too busy massaging what he could reach of his sore wing to have any human company outside his flock and they all had to go home for the night.

He felt very frustrated with himself.

He needed to get up the damned courage to jump start his flying. Literally. But he had yet to find the right mindset.

He was rubbing at sore muscles still when he heard the lift open at his flat and froze. He glanced over and saw it to be Linda there. He relaxed. She smiled at him.

"Hello, Lucifer. I was just coming up to say hello before leaving for the night. I'm meeting with Patrick tonight. Are you alright?"

He grunted at that. "Over worked myself. Cramped up my right..."

"Do you want me to..."

"No! Go on your date, or finish your date or whatever else you are going to do to Patrick. I'm about to go to bed anyway. Tired myself out. Just a bit of pain, that's all."

She frowned at him but nodded. "Okay, but know that you don't have to try again tomorrow if you're still in pain."

He grinned at that, nodding at her. "Yeah, I was going to have the day off from flying. But thanks anyway. Go have fun."

He yawned afterwards, a sincere noise from him too, as he truly was that tired.

Linda left him to his quiet massaging, before the cramp let up a bit and he went to bed, hoping to sleep until morning.

Dusty, as per usual for the bird, woke him up screeching the next morning, wanting to be let out of his cage and have some breakfast and fun.

He wasn't surprised to find that the towel he had hurriedly thrown over the cage last night was now on the ground. Dusty was a clever little thing when he wanted to be. A clever little thing that was telling him very loudly that he wanted his berries. He always expected berries when he was at the flat now.

It felt good to have a solid routine going. He hurriedly got the bird his breakfast, before getting himself a bowl of cereal. He was so not in the mood for cooking.

As he expected, while the cramp had let up, his wings were suffering from general soreness now from the workout yesterday. He kept the wings hidden from the world and instead decided to just enjoy his day. Friday was his day off from the precinct and police work, so he could be with the bird and let him have a full day outside a cage.

Regardless of the soreness and the knowing he'd probably be doing very little without a hanger-on clinging to his head or shoulder, he felt good.

It was the first day since he had started trying to fly again that he had felt good.

He took it as a sign. While today was a resting day, tomorrow was going to be the day he got up in the air and stayed there. He'd glide, he'd feel the wind in his feathers like he is meant to. He'd get his jump start.

It lifted his mood even higher than it already was.

Dusty flew over to him, landing on a shoulder as he finished his cereal and put the bowl in the sink.

"So! What do you want to do today? Want to watch telly, or do you want to go out on the balcony and have a bit of a fly?"

He had a deal with the bird. Dusty wouldn't fly too far away from the building and he could fly free for an hour or two, before coming back in for the day. Most of the time, he liked watching television. While he was watching Lost with all the flock, he and Dusty were slowly going through Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Some days he stayed with him and didn't fly. Some days he wanted to stay outside longer, but Lucifer was adamant.

Dusty cocked his head to one side, blinked at him slowly, before saying he wanted to stay in and watch Buffy.

Grinning, grabbing the remote, he made his way to his entertainment system, got their show up and running and pressed play.

They watched half of season two before Dan came to pick up the bird to go back home.

Today had been just what he needed. A nice, relaxing day with a show he was enjoying with the ever present company of one of his flock.

He really felt like he could just stretch his wings and fly right now.

He would wait for tomorrow and his flock though.


	6. Lucifer's Flight

Lucifer's Flight

They were so used to coming to this clearing now, they had all begun automatically calling it Lucifer's Clearing. He had no idea whether he was happy or not to have a place like this named after him for the use of flying purposes only, but it was what it was and it was a flock thing.

He had gotten into the habit of driving Linda here himself, even though it was the weekend and he didn't have to go out of his way to pick her up. He was used to it now and it felt right to do so.

He seemed to always be the last one there, with Linda being dragged along. Every day he'd come to his clearing, the others were already assembled and waiting for him. A feat, given the way he drove.

He was still in that good mood he had gotten himself into yesterday and decided that today was it. He was going to properly get in the air and fly. He could sense it from the tips of his wings to the heart of his body.

He was going to fly today, he could just feel it.

He let his wings out and took a deep breath, his flock gathered a safe distance away to watch as he tried again.

He had two false starts. He'd bend his knees, ready to jump and his wings started flapping before he managed to leave the ground. Luckily, he was used to ground starts by now and was able to land himself back down with no damage done to either his body or his pride.

He bent his knees again, getting ready for another jump start, and his whole body began shaking with the anticipation of being back in the air again. it got so bad, he had to stand up straight and fold his wings up so he didn't just take off again before he was ready.

He closed his eyes and took a few deep, cleansing breaths.

His flock, seeing he was wound up inched closer to where he was.

"Come on, Lucifer. You've totally got this!" Ella stated out loud.

"Yeah, man, you're doing better today. Much better," came a call from Dan.

"You can do this, Lucifer. We believe in you," stated Chloe.

H grinned and opened his eyes. He took another deep breath and unfolded his wings a bit, but before he could get ready to try again, Linda put in her words with a quick, knowing "You're ready now."

With a grin and a nod, he shooed them back a bit to give him and his wingspan the space he needed to take off, bent his knees and jumped. His wings went down in a powerful downward thrust and he was up more than a few inches. Another two powerful flaps later and he was a few meters in the air, his wings open to their full span and his feathers took to the winds like they were meant to, considering he had been sure to take such good care of them since they had grown back.

A fierce, wild joy took over him and he would have shouted or laughed out loud if he could get any noise past the choking lump in his throat.

Slowly, he circled his clearing, losing height but wanting to land, because it was enough right now to know he could get up and fly properly again. When he was close to the ground, he flared his wings out, changing the direction of his flapping, his alula working in tandem this time and stretched out his legs for the ground.

He stumbled a little on the landing, but he didn't expect to stick that right away. He'd get used to it again.

As soon as he had his wings tucked against his back, loose and relaxed for once, he was surrounded and being hugged by his flock of humans. He didn't have enough arms for hugging them all, so he used his wings to wrap around the small group.

He was crying and had no idea why. He wasn't sad at all.

If he had to guess at his emotions right now, he would have gone with elated.

None of his humans found it weird either. They stayed wrapped up in his wings for a good half hour, before he was ready to let them go.

He felt like something in his life was finally going right. And he hadn't felt like that since before his Fall.

He refused to entertain thoughts of how long it would last.

If it was possible, he would stay in that moment forever.


End file.
